I let my pain fuck my ego and I called the bastard art

Here are the first two ficlets (if I can still call them that, hee) for help_haiti! I'll do the others (for boysinperil, emylina and merle_p) in one batch, since they'll all be part of the What Would Patti LuPone Do? 'verse. :) Those should be done by the end of the month.

Title: From Scratch
Pairing: Kurt/Puck
Rating: NC-17
Words: 2,716
Genre: slash, quasi-angst (like 5% angst, really)
Summary: Jell-O shots and indecision go hand-in-hand. Also, Puck makes a baking analogy?
Prompt: "All I ask for is Kurt/Puck. I love angst as long as there's a happy ending." - terribilita
A/N: Oh man, somehow this fandom makes my inner angst-whore go dormant. Hee. (Glee is so perky and sparkly!) I did try my best, though -- it's not completely angsty, but I hope you like porn with a side of internal conflict? :D It's the closest to PWP that I've ever gotten.
Featured song: "Wreck of the Day" - Anna Nalick

( Like one of those hoity-toity things with a French name or whatever. )

Title: An Ounce of Prevention (is a Pound of Rachel)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/characters: (all established relationship) Kurt/Mike, Puck/Quinn, implied Rachel/Finn and Brittany/Santana, Kurt-Rachel friendship
Words: 2,029
Genre: gen, mostly, with a few couple-y moments
Summary: Dick jokes, pantsuits, Chicago analogies, TMI, ruined slushies, "that's what she said," strawberry-flavored condoms, and vengeful dong-pulling hypothetical fetuses: just another afternoon at Rachel Berry's Safe Sex Awareness Club.
Prompt: Timestamp from Be Yourself and Five Other Cliches-verse; "I'd love to see a ficlet where Kurt and Mike join Rachel's Safe Sex Awareness Club." - glitterfey
A/N: This prompt was ridiculously fun! And I get to indulge in all my OTPs being couple-y, with bonus Kurt-Rachel bonding. :D Anyway, I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it!
Credit: Shit, I'm terrible with dick jokes and "that's what she said," so I had to Google one or two. AND I ripped a joke from this recap of a Supernatural episode. I fail, but the recapper is hilarious.
Featured song: "Nowadays (Reprise)/Hot Honey Rag" - Catherine Zeta-Jones and Renee Zellweger, Chicago OST

( Fair warning, he basically turns this into the Puck's Dick Jokes Hour every week. )